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For the Want of Dress Shields

5 April 2004

Recently I made a business trip to visit our primary client. I don't know whether such trips are a bene of being the project manager or a curse. Business trips with their long hours and cramped airplane travel are not my favorite. The stress only makes my sweat glands go into overdrive.

Secure in the knowledge that my comfywear camisole was in my luggage I packed a pretty spring suit and matching lavender silk blouse. Even if it's not the most comfortable thing to wear, the comfywear with its maximum sweat soaking armpit sponges really does keep my outer clothing dry, even during these stressful meetings with the client.

I flew in the evening ahead of the meeting day so as to get settled. When I got to my room I unpacked. Now, where had I put that comfywear item? I looked and looked, but clearly it was not in my luggage. I suddenly remembered I had left it in the hamper at home to be cleaned! My pits immediately began to leak in anticipation. I had to give a presentation in front of the group tomorrow, and that always makes me sweat buckets, and in a lavender blouse that was not going to be a pretty sight.

It was getting late so I checked, found there was a mall near to where I was staying, and hopped in the car to see what I could find. By the time I got there, the blue knit shirt I was wearing had sprouted pie-sized pit stains. My shopping goal: dress shields. Where do you find dress shields at 8pm when your important meeting starts in 12 hours? I headed for a department store's lingerie's section.

There were two 20-ish girls working at the register. "Hi, do you sell dress shields here?"

"Dress shields?" One looked quizzically at the other.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, they're things you put in your shirt to prevent perspiration stains." They just stared at me. Neither salesgirl knew.

"You might try down in hosiery."

I hurried there. "Hi, do you sell any dress shields here?" This was a slightly older saleslady, one who I thought might know what I was talking about, but I got the same blank stare.

"Hey, Trudy," she yelled over to a co-worker several feet away, "do we sell dress shields?" Several customers looked over at me and my sodden armpits, and I felt a blush begin to well up. One customer approached, "Do you mean those bags you wash fine garments in?"

"No, they're little fabric circles you put in your clothes to block perspiration stains." I saw her gaze drop to one armpit, then across to the other, then back to my eyes, the classic triangle look. Reflexively I folded my arms across my chest in a futile attempt to hide the wet stains, but that just exposed them where they were slowly dripping down my sides.

"Hmm," she shook her head, "I don't know where you'd get those."

I went to another department store in the mall, with the same results. Then I tried a small dress shop, then another. I was getting more and more frustrated, and more and more sweaty. When I got another blank look, I felt like saying, "Can't you see I'm freaking sweating like a pig here and I have an important meeting tomorrow and no one knows what the heck dress shields are for???" It was about like seen in this picture I found on the Web.

Then I reminded myself that maybe no one had even noticed my shirt had huge sweat circles, and I should be thankful for that. Maybe it was only me who was making a big deal out of this. Hey, maybe I should read my own web site! I guess it's my own bugaboo. I can deal with being sweaty in front one one person or a co-worker or two, but visting clients and standing before a group while the sweat is seeping through my clothes is tough for me to handle. I think it's all tied in with public speaking anxiety.

As the mall closed for the evening, I gave up without success and resigned myself to putting on an eccrine gland demonstration for the group. Then, the next moring, as I was blow drying my hair and the perspiration was already dripping from my pits and trickling down my sides, I had an inspiration (what a great name for a Web site, eh?).

Before I donned my blouse, I carefully folded and taped a panty liner into each armpit! Was it comfortable? No. Did it look right? No, but I hoped I could avoid removing my suit jacket. When I arrived at the client's location, I dashed into the ladies room to check. I had already started to sweat around the liners, creating a bizarre looking perspiration stain which was dry in the center. But only a little wetness had escaped so far.

When we took a coffee break I checked again, and found the liners soaked with sweat, and my blouse quite wet under my right arm, but not too bad under the left. I discovered the right one had fallen out of place and the adhesive was now basically useless. As I examined the left, it too slipped off, so I pulled both out of my blouse and tossed them in the trash. They had given their life in pursuit of my dryness. My jacket was still dry under my arms, which was my goal.

Boosted by that, right before our lunch break I gave a great progress report to the client. At lunch I headed for he ladies room to checked myself again. My blouse was drenched with sweat which had dripped almost down to the waist of my skirt. It also had soaked through my jacket more than I would have liked, being just visible while my arms were at my sides. I shuddered to think what it would have been like had not the panty liners absorbed the first few hours of sweat.

So I survived the trip. My boss told me the client thought I did a great job and has been very happy with how the project is going. Then he told me he's requesting an immediate raise for me, that is, one between annual review periods! Maybe these business trip are worth it after all.

For prior stories, see the archives.