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Desensitizing Yourself

24 July 2003

Someone wrote to me recently asking how they could learn to be so calm and accepting about their HH like I am. Well, I may be more accepting of it than some people, but it still bothers me. For example, ask me about it when I'm late for work, getting dressed and trying to find something to wear that doesn't have perspiration stains on it. No, my HH is troubling but the point is I try hard not to let it limit my life.

Like last month. I could have bailed out of being a bridesmaid because of concerns about people seeing my sweaty underarms, but I attended anyhow. Just think if I hadn't gone, I would have disappointed my friend, messed up her wedding plans, and missed out on the good time that I ended up having. She knows I sweat. If she had had a problem with it she would have not invited me, or certainly wouldn't have chosen those dresses.

I think I had a good head start on dealing with HH while growing up. When I began to sweat as a teenager, my parents never made a big deal of it, and somehow I never got very self conscious about it despite some incidents from classmates. I've always looked at sweating as a natural function.

But I haven't escaped totally without any "hang ups" about my HH. I am uncomfortable about it in group settings. Public speaking is the worst because I know in advance it's going to make me nervous and more sweaty than usual. And the past few months have been more challenging because I'm sweating more due to thyroid medication. But I'm still Out There and living life.

In a survery of people with HH, the majority reported three main concerns: 1) that others would notice, 2) that the wetness was uncomfortable and 3) that clothing was stained. I've experienced all three, but probably the last one bothers me the most since I hate doing so much laundry! Let me share how I deal with these things. Maybe there will be a shred of wisdom within that will help someone.

First, regarding the concern that others will notice and cause embarrassment, I handle it in two ways:

1) Keep it in perspective. This has been even more important to me since my cancer surgery. I had an illness which had it not been treated would have killed me. Will HH kill me? No! I dislike overused sayings, but that one that goes "anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger" applies here. My HH has challenged me, and learning how to deal with it (as I continued to do) has made me stronger. My boyfriend, Kevin, told me that he found my confidence dealing with HH was very attractive!

2) Desensitization. This is a big one. Curing someone of a fear (and self consciousness about HH is a fear, right?) is commonly done by gradually exposing the person to the fearful element, and demonstrating to them that they can deal with the situation. What do we fear? That someone's gonna notice that we're sweating! Then we fear they will ridicule us and think less of us and do all sorts of nasty things to us. Am I right? Let me tell you, that doesn't happen! I have gone many places, interacted with many people, all while sweat has been pouring out of me, and nothing bad has happened! Oh, from time to time someone makes a rude comment, but that type of remark says more about what kind of person they are than it does about you. Further below, I'll tell you how to deal with that.

So, how do you desensitize yourself? I've described it a little in some of my prior writings here, but let me go into more detail. These are just some ideas, and are intended for people with excessive underarm sweating. Pick and choose what you think might work best for you. I've done many of these myself.

Janet's Ten Step Process to Ridding Yourself of the HH Worries

• 1) First, get used to being sweaty while you're alone and at home. Stop the anti-sweating drugs and the antiperspirant chemicals. (If odor is a problem I recommend an antibacterial soap. I use Safeguard in my armpits only and it works very well for me. Several people have written to me and said it really helped them too.) Observe what happens. OK, during the course of the day, your clothes get sweaty. Tell yourself "so what!" because, well, because it's simply not a big deal! When you are comfortable with this, move on.

• 2) If you're like me, you sweat less when home alone, and more when you go out and about in response to stress. So, that means you need to get out and let the sweat happen. The first time might be a trip to someplace quiet, perhaps a park. Wear enough layers that your sweating won't be seen. The goal is to just get used to being sweaty, that's all.

• 3) Next, go somewhere you'll find more people and/or more stress. Go to a shopping mall, or the public library. Wear your layers. No one can see you sweat yet.

• 4) Next time, try going to the mall or library, but with fewer layers. Now if you sweat, it might be visible on your clothing. This can be a big step, but take it. Walk into the library, turn around, walk out and return home. Did anything bad happen? Maybe, just maybe, someone saw that you were sweating, but my guess is no one did. You survived! Congratulations, you are on your way to freedom! Please note I'm not being sarcastic here. I know how you feel because I've been there, done that. If you are concerned about bumping into someone you know, simply pick a public place in another town.

• 5) The next step is to increase the time you spend in public. Stay 5 minutes. Can you do 10? Look, nothing bad has happened! You may even find yourself becoming more relaxed, and therefore sweating less. Excellent progress!

• 6) Now do it while wearing something you've never been able to wear because it shows sweat. Wear the snug gray shirt. Wear the blue silk blouse. Stay only as long as you can handle. Again, note that nothing bad happened. You were not arrested. You were not escorted away. A bunch of people did not point and laugh at you. Don't believe me? Then prove me wrong and try it. I have done it. I think most people either don't notice my sweating or don't care.

• 7) Next, let your HH be revealed anonymously. How? I've sat at the food court at the mall and propped my arm on the back of a chair, exposing the wet stain on the underarm of my blouse to the shoppers that walked past. No one stopped. No one said anything. I had been so concerned about this step that when nothing happened, I was almost disappointed! OK, so the first time I did this I "went incognito" by wearing sunglasses, but other times I did not.

• 8) The final step to freedom. This is a bold one, but if you can bring youself to do it, you'll have chased the self-conscious demon off your shoulders: try interacting with a few people. While you are sweaty, go into a store, browse and ask the salesperson something. I've done this, and guess what, they treated me just like a normal person! Yes, people with HH are normal, we just sweat a little more! What you are accomplishing is learning that, yes, you can handle talking and interacting with others even while you are sweaty, and nothing bad happens.

• 9) Finally, while sweaty, interact with someone who you know but who does not know about your HH. Remind yourself of all the progress you have made. If you can handle this step, you can interact with anyone!

• 10) What's the 10th step? Relax and congratulate yourself!

The whole point is when I did all these steps no one ridiculed me, or made me feel ashamed, or anything of the sort. I have even gone past the steps about when I've encountered the rare person who did notice my HH: I've given them an eyeful! One time I was at a jewelry store and trying on necklaces. I saw the salesman looking at the wet circles under my arms, so while removing one of the necklaces, I pretended that I couldn't get the clasp undone. I stretched and reached behind my neck in apparent futility, first higher with my left arm, then with the right. I knew exactly what he was seeing because I could see myself in the mirror. After I finally got it off, I said to him "Do you like my blouse? You seem to be looking at it a lot." I giggled to myself when he got a bit flustered, "Uhh, oh, umm, yes, it's very nice," was all he could say!

Every so often you may bump into someone who does make a comment that can seem rude. Remember that most such comments are actually observations, not put downs. For example, I've had people tell me "Oh my, you're all sweaty!" That's just a statement of fact, not an insult. Very rarely, I've encountered someone who said something like "I'd never let myself be seen in a dress that sweaty." You need to memorize one simple universal reply to all these comments, "Yeah, it's been that way a long time." Add a little shrug of the shoulders while saying it. What this reply tells the other person is 1) yes, you are aware of it, and 2) it doesn't bother you. Well, OK, even it does bother you a little, you have demonstrated that you are not going to let it stop you from experiencing life, and that's the bottom line.

Well, this entry has grown longer than I had expected. I'll reserve the remaining two concerns (wetness discomfort and clothing) for next time. Meanwhile, I hope you will try my suggestions and let me know your progress. You can do it!

For prior stories, see the archives.