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"Nasti Satin Antis Stain"

2003 January 22

OK, you caught me.

Today I'm wearing one of my favorite blouses. It's a pretty button front ruffled blouse in a lovely blue satin fabric. It fits nicely. It looks good on me. And it has permanent rings from prior perspiration.

How did that old Wisk commercial go? You've tried scrubbing, you've tried brushing, but still you've got ring around the armpit. OK, well, that's not exactly how it went.

I've tried cleaning this blouse many different ways, but the marks at the underarms just won't give up. Do you know what caused them? Yes, sweat, of course, but not just regular sweat, sweat mixed with antiperspirant.

As you know, I'm not a fan of antiperspirant chemicals. I resort to them only under duress, that is, when I'm expecting duress. I don't remember exactly when these stains got imprinted in the fabric. It might have been at a party last year, or maybe when I attended a friend's wedding, or maybe some other stressful event.

For me, stress opens the armpit floodgates. When I expect that might happen, and I'm going to be at a social event, I reluctantly resort to antiperspirant. I've never found one that plugs the dike completely, but for me at least they reduce the flood to a stream.

But what I learned not long ago is that my sweat and those chemicals create a nasty brew that permanently marks the fabric. When I don't use antiP, I sweat more, but any resulting stains launder out without a trace.

So the choice is medium pit stains that leave permanent rings, or bigger pit stains that wash out cleanly. I don't have an infinite supply of money for new clothes, so now I opt for the latter.

Despite the permanent stains, I can't part with this blouse. As for someone noticing, heck, by lunchtime I'll probably soak right past those old rings anyhow.

Meanwhile, back to the anagrams (it's a slow day)... hmm, Saint Tina's "Nasti" Satin Stain?